My heart was in my mouth as Steph went outside to let Nadine in. I found Jamie in the garage and gave him a quick hug. He seemed surprised that I didn’t kiss him but I just grabbed him by the hand and rushed him into the bedroom.
“Your Dad and I are meeting somebody in his study. We’ll talk later Baby Boy, I’ve missed you!”
He wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer and pushed me up against his door en kissed my face off before letting me go.
“Don’t go without coming to say goodbye Unca D, or I’ll have to come and hunt you down!”
[sociallocker]When I got to Steph’s study Nadine smiled brightly at me as if nothing was happening. She was perched on the edge of the chair across, her knees held politely together, the epitome of a perfect lady, even in her school uniform.
“Hello Uncle Dee, how are you?”
Her tone was friendly.
‘This kid has brass ones, that’s for sure,’ I thought.
“Nadine, thanks for coming here today. We both really appreciate it,” Stephan said since he’d been the one to Whatsapp the invitation.
“Not a problem Uncle Steph, I’m only too glad to help out.”
They were both so polite it was getting on my tits and my anxiety was pushing to the surface. I wanted to slap the little slut alongside the head, not make polite conversation. I struggled to control my tone.
“Listen, Nadine, who gave you the right to look on Jamie’s phone? That’s private property!”
Her laugh tinkled like nails across a blackboard.
“Uncle Dee, teenagers steal each other’s phones all the time, it’s no big deal! It’s just not often that they find such a scoop!”
“Who have you told? It doesn’t look as if Jamie knows that you’ve seen his private Whatsapps.”
I turned to Stephan.
“He didn’t seem upset at all…”
Nadine’s voice was syrupy as she answered my question.
“Well, I haven’t told anybody… yet, including Jamie. I just copied the messages and then put his phone back in his bag. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t care about you much,” she sneered in my direction, “because obviously, you’re the queer pedo here, but I just want Jamie back. So as long as we understand each other then nobody needs to know. I’m just shocked that you seem to know about this Uncle Steph and you don’t seem to mind!”
“Nadine, first of all, thanks for not telling anybody… yet, you know what it would do to Jamie’s reputation if people found out. And although you don’t care about Dee it could ruin his marriage.”
“Well, who’s fault is that?”
Steph ignored her and carried on.
“…As to his relationship with Dee, I’m satisfied that their relationship is a mutual one. Dee didn’t force Jamie to do anything against his will.”
Nadine’s voice, when she answered him, was close to a shriek and I was scared that Jamie would hear in spite of the fact that the study was some way from his bedroom.
“What do you mean, it’s mutual?!! Are you telling me Jamie’s now suddenly gay?”
Steph’s voice was soothing as he answered her.
“It’s complicated Nadine. When you broke up with him, he went to pieces and Dee just happened to be there to help him through it.”
Her voice dripped acid.
“Just happened to be there?”
Her voice rose.
“Help him through it? Are you listening to yourself? How were you helping him through it? By making him gay? I should report you both to the police for this. He was straight before you helped him!!”
“I don’t think Jamie’s gay, Nadine, but if he is, I certainly won’t judge him, and neither should you.”
Steph’s voice was still gentle and reasonable. There was a reason he was the pastor and I wasn’t.
“What does YOUR WIFE say about your gay relationship with MY BOYFRIEND?” she spat at me and her eyes shot sparks of fire.
“I guess she doesn’t know! Try explaining to her that it’s not a gay relationship and see how far you get! Maybe I should tell her and then she can force you to leave my boyfriend alone!!”
She stood up and there were tears in her voice.
Again Stephan’s voice was reasonable.
“Please sit down Nadine, and let’s talk. Are you saying that your relationship with Jamie isn’t over? He told us you broke up with him.”
“I’m not here to talk about my relationship with Jamie in front of his boyfriend,” she growled out through her teeth. She looked at me again and her hatred for me was naked in her eyes.
“If you don’t leave him alone, I WILL tell your wife about your relationship with him and I will make sure the whole world knows too. You need to keep your hands off my boyfriend and stay out of our way.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me.
“I want you to break off all contact with him and if you don’t you WILL BE SORRY!”
I felt my heart shrink into a little corner of my chest as her words hit me like a ten-ton truck. I had tears in my eyes as I implored her to not banish me from Jamie’s life.
“Please, Nadine, don’t do this! I will break off all sexual contact with him, just don’t stop us from seeing each other!”
The absurdity of my begging a teenage girl to let me have access to my best friend’s son didn’t escape me.
“This isn’t just about sex, Nadine, we love each other as friends…”
“NO!!”
She turned towards Stephan and from that moment onwards she ignored me and spoke only to him.
“This is how it’s going to work: HE is going to leave here NOW and if I find out that he’s seeing Jamie alone for any reason, I will show these Whatsapps to Aunty Jo.”
Steph took my arm and led me outside. I was shaking and feeling weak.
“Look, I’ll try and explain to Jamie what’s going on…”
“How will you explain to him that I left without even saying goodbye to him? He will never believe that I did that willingly unless you lie to him and I know you’ll never do that. Shit Stephan this is so fucked up!!”
I banged my fist against the wall and I felt the sting as the skin came off my knuckles, but I didn’t care. I just wanted the pain in my chest to stop. This was worse than the fear I had felt when I found out that Nadine had Jamie’s phone and she was likely to spill the beans.
Stephan grabbed my arms as I raised them again to repeat my self-destructive behaviour.
“Dee, stop! Think for a moment! Jamie is getting what he wants and Jo doesn’t have to find out.
This is probably the best-case scenario… Just walk away and I will deal with Jamie. I know he’s going to be devastated—”
“DEVASTATED??!! So help me God, if something happens to that boy as a result of this I will never forgive myself! What would you have done if your Uncle Stavros had just one day walked out of your life? What would that have said about you?? This is so FUCKED UP!!”
“Dee we really don’t have a choice in the matter. I think she’d follow through on her threat if you didn’t comply.”
“And you want him to be involved with this BITCH?? Tell me I’m not going mad and that the world isn’t fucking about to END!! Jesus, Steph, that boy is my LIFE!! He’s not just some… some…”
I couldn’t control myself anymore and fell into my friend’s arms and wept. My Jamie’s last words to me played through my mind like a bitter indictment and the joy and love that I saw in his eyes sliced through my heart like a scalpel.
“Don’t go without coming to say goodbye Unca D, or I’ll have to come and hunt you down!”
I caught my breath and controlled my voice. I whispered into his shoulder.
“Steph, I’m telling you now this is a mistake. That girl is poison and she’s going to destroy Jamie. Is it worth my marriage to feed Jamie whole to that fucking bitch? I don’t care what happens to me…”
Steph pulled me into him and kissed my cheek.
“It’s going to be ok, Dee, I promise. Trust me. Go home now and let me deal with this. I’ll call you to tell you how it went down. If Jamie contacts you, be friendly and happy for him, cos I’m sure you’ll be the first person he’ll contact to tell you about Nadine.”
Resignation dropped through my heart: a bitter, poisonous pill intended to put to sleep my sure, sure realization that we were sacrificing Jamie’s well being to keeping the peace.
I left with a heavy heart, my love for Jamie lead in my shoes. I drove home, but changed my mind, deciding instead to park by the shores of a nearby lake. I got out of the car and went to sit on a bench to watch the ducks play in the water. Instead
tears blurred my eyes. The sunlit, shimmering green beauty of the scene was a mocking counterpoint to the dreary grief that keened through my psyche like the wail of a widow at a funeral.
The inevitability of the mistake we had made, giving in to Nadine, ate at me like stage four cancer. I was so wrapped up in my contemplation of the impending disaster that I didn’t even notice somebody sitting down next to me.
“Do you mind… ?”
I didn’t even look up; I just nodded my head and mumbled ‘sure’. I was just putting off the inescapable moment when I would have to walk into my house and pretend that my heart hadn’t been ripped out.
“Are you ok?”
Huh? Oh, it was the person sharing the bench.
“You look like you just got some bad news, man.”
I just shook my head and peered into the tunnel of my wretchedness.
We sat like that for a while.
“Do you mind if I smoke?” I shook my head. I heard the ignition of the match against the strip of sulphur.
Another long silence.
“You know I saw the two of you together at the paintballing the other day…”
WTF?? I looked at him for the first time. He came into focus through the haze of my wretched delirium. I remembered him. He was one of the boys on Jamie’s team. I was sure he might even have appeared just after…
“Yeah. That kiss was pretty intense. I jacked off quite a few times that night just thinking of that. It was hottt… the two of you are hot together. So why you looking so miserable?”
I was too numb to deny it.
“It’s all come apart. His ex got hold of his phone and saw some of our chats on Whatsapp. She threatened to tell my wife and out Jamie to the whole world… unless I left Jamie alone and she got back together with him again.”
“So what you gonna do, man?”
I felt myself leaking out of my eyes again.
“What can I do? To protect him I’ve got to stay away.”
“Man, fuck that bitch there must be something you can do!”
“There’s nothing I can do… I’ve just got to eat it up for him.”
Despair oozed out of me.
“Um, do you wanna do something?”
“There’s nothing I can do, man, nothing I can think of anyway…”
“No, man, I mean, you wanna like, DO something with me...? Just to like, make u feel better?”
He shifted closer to me and he put his hand on my thigh. He squeezed lightly and slid his hand up towards my crotch. I looked at him and thought about it. Then I shook my head.
“Whoa, you must really love that dude, man. Props. I’m gonna make sure that bitch gets what she deserves. Seriously.”
“Nah, I appreciate it, but we just got to let things work out the way they do. But I really appreciate it.”
He moved even closer and put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in. I leaned and rested my head there. The muscles felt really good. This young buck made me feel really safe.
“You sure I can’t make you feel good?”
“You just did, thanks. Thanks… ”
He kissed the top of my head and sighed.
“Man, you must really love him.”
“You... Have... No... Idea.”