I said goodbye to the young guy at the lake and went back to my car. I absently wondered what he meant when he said he was going to make sure Nadine paid. I hoped he would leave it alone as I’d asked. I just wanted the nightmare to end and getting back at Nadine would only fuel the fire.
When I got to the car, I unlocked the door and climbed in. I didn’t even realise I’d left my phone behind. I picked it up and saw there were several missed calls from Joanne. My heart sank. When the device chimed in with “That’s what makes you beautiful,” my heart sank even further.
“Hey, Dee.”
The avatar of Jamie’s wistfully smiling eyes in the top left-hand corner of my phone’s screen stared at me with perplexed accusation. I looked at my phone and wondered what to say. I decided to play dumb and see where he took us. My fingers shook as I typed my Judas’ kiss.
“Hey young man, what’s happening?”
“Why did u leave without saying goodbye?
“Have you chatted to your dad?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Uncle D. We need to talk. You have one chance to make this right. Don’t pretend that you’re protecting me.
“Or if you are… stop.”
I thought for a long minute.
“What did your dad tell you?”
“Enough.”
“Where’s Nadine?”
“In fucking hell where she belongs. BITCH!”
I felt a cold fear rush through my bones. Had my young lover just sacrificed us both on the altar of our love? Did he really understand what could happen if the world knew about us?
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.
“Jamie…”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Unca Dee, don’t make me beg… Just get over here.”
Little kissy-face emoji. I felt a small sense of relief.
As usual, I tooted, the gate opened and I was let in. I almost had a heart attack when I saw Jo’s car parked to the left out of sight. Dread oozed into me but at the same time the knowledge that what was about to happen was inevitable, necessary and probably healing. I could stumble through my life, deceiving the world, my wife and myself, building up a legacy of deception and lies, a stinking sarcophagus invested against the day that furtive love destroys all in its path, or I could deal with my heart and my responsibilities to Jamie and Jo. Either way, it seemed as if the power had been taken out of my hands and I was cautiously relieved.
Nobody came to walk me in, as usually happens at this house. I strode the path to the front door and as the timelines resolved themselves into distinct threads, each a trail to a possible future, I committed silently to integrity, if such was still an option. I had flung myself over the cliff of boy-love without a moment’s thought and had flagrantly dragged my wife over there with me. We were all in free-fall now. I didn’t know what I would find when I entered that door—whether Jo had been apprised of my infidelity. I suspected not, since Stephan wouldn’t take such a liberty, but there was no telling what Jamie would have done, being young and impulsive.
I opened the front door and the scene was like a wake at a funeral. I was torn between looking for the signs of what to expect on the faces of Jamie and Jo. Instead, I focused on my friend’s kind countenance, but what I read there was unfathomable. It was a good sign that Jo got up and walked to meet me. She put her arms around me and pulled me in for a warm hug. She kissed my cheek and asked me if I was all right. I gave her a small nod and a tiny smile.
Jamie got up and flung himself into my arms. He all but knocked the wind out of me and refused to let me go. I kissed the side of his head and looked at Jo to see if she got the significance of what she saw. Her expression was completely unreadable, though not unkind. The resemblance to the mute commiseration at a funeral was upsetting.
I needed to sit down, but where? I decided to opt for the safest route and sat by Stephan.
“So…?” I said, hoping to prompt something that would indicate where we stood.
Jo broke the silence.
“Nadine called me. She said she had something to tell me that was going to upset me. I said, no it wasn’t. She asked me what I meant? I said that if she was going to tell me that you and Jamie were lovers, that I already knew.”
My mouth literally hung open.
I thought to deny it.
I thought to flee.
I thought to kill myself.
*****************
When I finally managed to find my voice, all I could say was “How?”
I looked at her and saw nothing but love for me in her beautiful eyes. A tired and resigned smile played on her lips.
“Let’s just start at the beginning,” she nodded at Stephan. He picked up the queue.
“When you left I went to Jamie’s room to tell him Nadine was there to see him. He didn’t even take that in and just asked me where you were.”
“I knew that you wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye if something wasn’t wrong.”
Jamie tossed a pointed look in my direction.
“I told him Nadine was in the next room and wanted to see him. All he wanted to know is why. I told him what we had agreed; that she wanted to make up. He didn’t buy it… He demanded to know what was really going on. I told him what she threatened to do, and he freaked. He went straight in and basically told her to…” he looked apologetically at Jo, who shrugged, “to ‘fuck off and get out of his house’. It wasn’t a pretty scene.”
Jamie chimed in.
“She went mental and swore at me and you called us homos and threatened all of us. I told her that I would rather be a homo before I had anything to do with a psycho bitch like her. She said that I’d better hope that Aunty Jo didn’t divorce you for being a ‘queer pedo’. Then she left and we immediately tried to phone you, Aunty Jo, but your number was engaged.”
“Then we both knew that she was on the phone to you, Jo, and we decided what to do next.”
Stephan looked in my direction.
“We waited until we could get through and Jo immediately told us not to worry, she was on her way. She said she’d tried to get hold of you but you didn’t answer?” he said, lifting his eyebrows in a question mark.
“I left my phone in the car and I was sitting by the lake.”
Jamie decided that all this false restraint was for the birds; that the cat was out of the bag, so to speak, and came to me. He wriggled in between me and Stephan and took my right hand in both of his.
“Aunty Jo, you gotta believe me; we didn’t plan this. I know Unka Dee didn’t. I was the one who pushed him over the edge. I was the one who forced him to— ”
“You didn’t force me to do anything, my Boy. Jo, I’m truly sorry that I stepped over the line, that I was…” I took a deep shuddering breath. “… am unfaithful to you.”
My qualification stepped into the room like an 800lb stripper at a Teazers Club. To Jo’s credit, she managed a silent chuckle that registered almost like a pre-Heimlich choking fit.
“No. Let me say that again. I am not sorry that I stepped over the line. I am sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t think it through.”
“Stop.”
The word was an act of creation. As the words, “let there be light,” were fundamental to reality, so her single word split the moment into before and after.
“Douglas…” she used my name. She, and everybody else, seldom did. “Douglas, I know that you have never thought of betraying me. You may not know it, but I have a personal reason to believe that the world of sexuality isn’t neatly divided up into gay and straight with a convenient ‘out’ for the adventurous bi-.”
I looked at my wife as if she was a visitor from a strange dimension.
Again the silent chuckle. She shook her head as if to say ‘there will be another time for that story.’
“You think I’ve never noticed how you look at Jamie, my Darling Husband? You think the adoration in your eyes was invisible to me?”
She looked from one to the other, slowly. Jamie’s hand clenched mine painfully. I was lost for a response.
“I don’t judge you, my Love. Love will lead us where it will.”
A puzzling mist clouded her eyes.
“I didn’t know,” I confessed. “I had no idea.”
Jamie nodded.
“How was it that obvious?” I was genuinely astonished.
“That night so long ago when Stephan and Desie were talking about planting a church in Zim, I took a moment to come and see if everything was alright with you and the boys. You were sitting on Jamie’s bed with his hand in yours. He was lying on his back, tears pouring out of his eyes onto his pillow. There was nothing ‘going on’, but there was a hell of a lot ‘going on’ there. I knew it was only a matter of time. Jamie felt safe, that I could see, and I knew that given the right moment the two of you would find a safe place together. I only hoped that it would be a beautiful experience that would build rather than destroy, and it looks like my prayers were answered…”
Jamie’s voice eventually broke the holy silence that ensued.
“Aunty Jo, Dee and I need to get away for a weekend to… talk about some stuff. Do you mind if I take him ‘fishing’?” Although the significance of the proposed activity escaped my wife, the look that Jamie exchanged with his dad didn’t.
“Jamie, if the two of you need to go ‘fishing’ then that’s fine with me. Just let me know when, so I can make arrangements on my side.
“But what are you going to do about the fact that Nadine is probably spilling the beans to your friends as we speak? She didn’t get her satisfaction with me so I can assure you that she’s going to do her best to trash your name.”
“Whatever,” said Jamie.
“I got what I want, and if I look like a fag because of it, it’s a small price to pay.”
He got up and walked over to my wife. He kissed her on the forehead. She stood up and hugged him tenderly. I was shocked at the strength of the emotion that I felt seeing the two people I loved the most holding each other in tender affection. Stephan and I got up and also locked each other in a brotherly embrace.
“Thanks for treasuring my beautiful boy, Dee. I couldn’t be happier.”
Just then Jamie’s phone pinged as a Whatsapp popped out of the ether.
“You’d better get that; you might find it’s the first of many,” I said over Stephan’s shoulder.
He disengaged from Jo’s arms and fished his phone out of his pocket.
Sure enough, it was Tyrone, his best friend. He read the message.
“Hey, ‘sup. Bro, Nadine is talking some shit about you and your Uncle Dee doing some homo crap. She’s spreading the news with pictures and everything. I told her to fuck herself. Fucking twisted bitch. Just know I got your back man, and so does everybody else.”
There were a couple more like that and we were just about to ignore the rest when Jamie went white and held up the screen for all to see. It displayed Nadine and her best friend, making out like there was no tomorrow. The caption read, ‘I kissed a girl, and I liked it.’ There was a guy in the background. I took the phone from Jamie to see who it was.
You guessed right. It was the boy from the lake. In spite of me, he’d made good on his promise. I’d have to find a way to thank him.